Portland Redux

The Lovely Elise and I made a pilgrimage to Portland, otherwise known as Vegan Paradise. Among the hits:

• First day: we arrive late morning and drive to the Alberta 'hood. Elise gets to try one of my favorites for brunch: Tin Shed. We sit in the patio area, drinking orange juice and admiring the tattoos around us. Elise has the vegan How Latin, perfectly cooked tofu cubes with vegi sausage, avocado, salsa and veggies; my vegan Veggie Pesto is similar but has zucchini, yam, mushroom, melted garlic and a nice big dollop of - well - pesto. Sourdough toast and grits with vegan cheese round out our meal. Later, we stroll to my favorite cafe, Random Order. And while the soy lattes, made with Stumptown beans, are divine, the staff could not be less welcoming. Dude, they are baristas. Have some respect.
• We fall in love with 2 vegan bakeries on Alberta. The first is Back to Eden. Elise's eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. Dear God, this place even has vegan soft-serve! Among our spoils are vegan chocolate; a chocolate macaroon; a ginger-cardamom muffin; a lavender snickerdoodle. We sit on a picnic bench nearby, sharing the cookie in the humid afternoon. Bliss. But we must still check out Dovetail Bakery down the street. If only we had any room left in our stomachs! This adorable cafe is filled with vintage furniture and a bakery case full of vegan goodies: cakes, cupcakes, muffins, cookies, sticky buns. The owner is a sweet young lady who's happy to chat with us. We beg her to move to San Francisco. Hey, it was worth a try.
  
• Later, a bit peckish, we drive to Mississippi Street in search of pizza. The obvious answer is Mississippi Pizza, where we share a small spinach salad and a Historic, very spicy red sauce topped with kalamata olives, artichoke, spinach, tomato and vegan cheese on a whole-wheat crust. We also get to watch the pizza guy throw dough around. This pleases us.
• We wander up the street and come to an odd little store with a window filled with antique water pistols. Out of nowhere, an older man appears and identifies himself as the collector. He then regales us with a long history of the water pistol, an item that's not worth much on E-Bay but cool nonetheless. Afterwards, he insists on treating us at Ruby Jewel, the local 'scream shop. Elise and I share a cone of peach-ginger nondairy deliciousness. Thank you, Water Pistol Man.
• Breakfast the next day: Jam on Hawthorne. The coffee is good. The chai-blueberry vegan pancakes are great...Elise loves her Southwestern tofu burrito, and even shares the red-pepper sauce so I can mix it into my scrambled eggs. Our young hip waiter is wearing a tee-shirt with a kissing Batman and Robin. Again, this pleases us.
• Back to Mississippi to shop; Elise scores a beautiful coat (say it with me: No Taxes!). I need a pick-me-up. We stop at Laughing Planet, where I have a bowl of rice, beans, veggies and killer tomatillo salsa. It is quite satisfying, although the presence of three cops trying to talk a guy into detox is a wee bit off-putting.
• Time to meet up with Elise's friend Mike and, finally, have a cocktail. Thus do we land back on Alberta at the Bye and Bye. I order the Stockholm, a tall pint of goodness: citrus-infused vodka, lemon juice and ginger beer. While not very hungry, I manage to steal food off of Elise's plate. She loves her some Southern fare and this is a good place to get it: her plate of barbeque tofu, vinegary greens and black-eyed peas is fantastic. My buddy Morgan joins us later and we pay him the respect due a Black Belt at our collective place of employment. BB in the hy-ouse!
• Last day, sadly. Mike has told us to visit the Red & Black Cafe, a worker-owned vegan collective. They have waffles! Well, yes they do, but radical waffles take a hell of a long time to arrive at one's table. Elise reminds me that I am imposing my capitalist expectations on the experience. Her waffle arrives and looks so, so good. Mine comes about half an hour later. It is plate-sized, crunchy with blue cornmeal, topped with walnuts and apples and Earth Balance. I pour on some syrup and eat like a starving animal.
• Around the corner is the Vegan Mini-Mall. We stop by Sweetpea Baking Co., admiring yet more mouth-watering vegan sweets; I purchase a soy latte for the road. Elise buys some groceries at Food Fight, too, where one can even purchase a vegan Twinkie. She sneakily gets me the pumpkin spice cookie I was fawning over (made by Monkey Wrench and delivered by bike, of course).
  
• Voodoo Doughnut. Right? Did you know they perform weddings? Well, there is one happening right when we arrive. A couple in black tees is slow-dancing by a cake stand filled with doughnuts. They get to jump over a broom while we wait in line. Elise buys a box of vegan doughnuts for a break-the-fast dinner in S.F. later that evening. And no, we didn't fast for Yom Kippur. So we can atone for that at some point.
  
• Before we leave, we must visit a food cart. If we don't, we will be arrested by the Foodie Police. Food carts are everywhere in Portland, but we decide to hit Alberta since it's near PDX. It's raining out, but this one little spot has a canopy covering its trucks and tables, plus some cute-looking trailers. Elise hits Fuego de Lotus, and thoroughly enjoys her corn arepa with cabbage salad and black beans. My salad from Mono Malo is a lovely mix of fresh-picked greens, heirloom tomato bits and crunchy roasted chickpeas with lemony vinaigrette. We eat and listen to rain drumming overhead. It's a nice way to end our trip to Veganlandia. Hipster Homeland, here we come.